It's gettin hard ya'll

The fall semester is coming up. This is about 3 months after I was suppose to have graduated college. Instead, I'm looking at another year and a half to get my degree, just a little set back.

I wish I knew how to sing...

There are those songs that hit a chord inside us, and in that second, we wish that we were standing in front of the person to whom we would dedicate that song to, I'm sure. I just wish I knew how to sing, and play guitar, so that the opportunity would seem more feasible.

The good about me...

Is that I may say that my life is a mess, and I can't do anything right. However, I right where I'm suppose to be and doing every that I should be doing. Granted that I will never be 100% correct and doing everything at the right time and place. You can only be angry with someone for not seeing that the one they should be with right now is you, but if they cannot change it, then you cannot change it. *I HATE writing "you" like I'm talking to "you" in first person, but I don't know how to say this genuinely like how I would say it* It takes a while for the sting to go away, and it comes up every time you see the person, and then you talk yourself out of feeling that certain way. When it came to loving someone I told myself that I would not hold back and I would put everything out there, and I did. I realized that everyone has to experience some sort of heartache in life, and it would not be any less perfect as if I did not. I'm just glad that I experienced what I did and that everything is in the past now. Where it belongs. Like Martha Stewart says, "There's a time and place for everything." And right now, it's neither yours'.
PS. "Where do they find these Barneys?"

I always win...

It's hard ya'll. It's hard being me. It's hard feeling the feelings I feel. I'm selfish right now. I know somebody is feeling the same way, and I'll go the extra step and say that they don't feel the pain that I feel, or that it's not as deep. The hard part is taking the step back and realizing that it's really not that bad. Whenever things aren't going my way, I move. Somehow, moving tells me that something new awaits. And it's true. New opportunities arise, and I make something of it. It's what I do. (hollla) I just wish that I didn't want to move right now for something that is only temporary. I'll get over it. I always do. There's always someone that will make me feel better and someone to cheer me up. I just have to continue with my routine and (try to) not let anything else get in the way. I hate feeling defeated. It's not who I am. I always win. I should realize that by now. I always win.

In Real Time...

My life has been feeling like an out of body experience lately. No, I haven't almost died or caught a chronic illness. I live a pretty semi-fabulous life. I wake up, I take a hot shower, put on nice clothes, and cook myself an egg-white omelette, which is more than most people cannot account for. I run into my coffee shop, buy some yummy yummy and head to school. I love this part of my life. After school, I take a drive and get my lunch, and eat it off the side of Piestewa peak, and look at Phoenix. I go down to the Biltmore and see what's new at Saks and Macy's. I do all of this, and it's fabulous. The only part I don't like is doing it alone. I went to Delux the other night. The panini and drinks were great. I talked to a couple of people, but mostly kept quite. As I drove home, I thought about how much more fun it would be with Tucson people. Nothing is more unbearable than the thought of what I left in Tucson. I saw to myself that I will return some day. I will finally close escrow on that lovely condo, and it'll be fine. The part that sucks about this is that I go home, check my facebook messages and what not. I look at them with a certain eye that photoshops myself into them. Creepy? A little, but not far fetched. Now I'm sitting in a coffee shop looking at facebook photos, and looking at the people in them and thinking about how much fun they're having. 

Third Cup of Coffee

I wish that Paradise Bakery would invest in a sturdier cup so that drips of coffee don't dribble on my jeans. I wish that catholic school children would go home and change, and realize that a school uniform isn't a life uniform, especially when they wear ugly jersey tights. I wish "tell me lies" wasn't playing and "call on me" would be put on single repeat. I wish I wasn't here looking for schools to transfer to and would finally talk to the dreamy busser who's been wiping off tables by my table. I wish Paradise served wine...

I'd Rather Be With You.

Sitting here, on this lonely dockWatching the rain play on the ocean top

All the things I feel I need to say

I can't explain in any other way

I need to be bold

Need to jump in the cold water

Need to grow old with a girl like you

Finally see you are naturally

The one to make it so easy

When you show me the truth

Yeah, I'd rather be with you

Say you want the same thing too

Now here's the sun, come to dry the rain

Warm my shoulders and relieve my pain

You're the one thing that I'm missing here

With you besides me I no longer fear

I need to be bold

Need to jump in the cold water

Need to grow older with a girl like you

Finally see you are naturally

The one to make it easy

When you show me the truth

Yeah, I'd rather be with you

Say you want the same thing too

I could have saved so much time for us

Had I seen the way to get to where I am today

You waited on me for so long

So now, listen to me say:

I need to be bold

Need to jump in the cold water

Need to grow older with a girl like you

Finally see you are naturally

The one to make it so easy

When you show me truth 

Yeah, I'd rather be with you

Say you want the same thing too

Say you feel the way I do.

Oh Josh Radin! I was trying to fall asleep because Last Call with Carson Daly was on. But with the trailer for the Unborn having just shown on t.v., it was hard! I stuck it out with Carson, and Josh Radin preformed one of his numbers, and I loved it. He's made it onto on daily driving mixed cd. While there are lines that define situations and emotions, one has defined my life:

I could have saved so much time for us, had I seen the way to get where I am today.

Though when I moved, there wasn't an us per se, but rather several people. I thought of past relationships, and past people with whom I wanted to build a relationship. I'm glad I didn't! It would have been a different situation, from the person I was then, and the person I am now. Everything in between was more tragic than a Courtney Love song. With my Josh Radin in my cd player, I pick up groceries, I pick up my coffee, I look for my cigarettes, and from my dashboard point of view, it looks like things are getting better. It's not to say that I wouldn't enjoy the ride with a companion, because sometimes I take my dog, but it's time to realize the better things in life.

Blondie

*She has both eyes!

This is just some babble I didn't know where to include, but wrote it anyway... 

I enjoyed myself in the moments, but I'm beginning to realize that life is more of an action and review of consequence. I couldn't remove myself from the actions I was doing, and therefore, couldn't see the consequences that followed. I felt the consequence, but I couldn't decipher motives behind the actions. Well, it's taken several months to realize why I was doing the things I was doing. Now, that things seems to be stabilizing, I'm seeing the real situations, and real consequences, and